2018-07-23
Brooke Strong
Scripture Ephesians 2:11-22
Breaking Down the Dividing Wall
As we hear today’s scripture, the letter from Paul to that early church, we are made aware of the strong divisions and conflicts that the new Christian community was experiencing. There were lines drawn, people taking stands on opposing points of view, walls begin built between members of the church. Well, thank goodness that is all in the past, and now we have total agreement among all Christians on all issues! So this scripture is totally irrelevant to us today – Right? If only.
In looking back on the situation 2000 years ago, although the issues may have been different, it seems that the more things change, the more they stay the same. Throughout the ages, in communities in general, and in church communities as well - there always have been strong differences of opinion on all sorts of topics. In our current culture, we hear a lot about this kind of divisiveness getting worse and worse, and so this passage written so long ago seems especially relevant and timely in today’s world.
Recently I’ve been drawn to books and to organizations that are trying to find ways to bridge these divides, to break down walls of division. In an age when a greater percentage of people than ever report feeling lonely, we are separating ourselves from some of the people who were closest to us – our family members, our longtime friends, our fellow church goers – over issues of politics and policies that we just can’t seem to agree on. The running joke for the Thanksgiving holidays was that if you were having a large family gathering, you’d better use plastic utensils to minimize injury during the fighting! But we know that stabbing insults and cutting remarks can sever relationships and cause just as much pain.
So we try finding peace by separating ourselves into homogeneous groups, and forgoing get-togethers where people on different sides will join at the table. In our 23rd Psalm that we heard earlier, the good shepherd prepares a table before us in the presence of our enemies, but if we have a choice, I’m going to guess a lot of us would opt to not show up!
And when we find ourselves in a situation where a controversial topic comes up, we so often demonize those on the other side, lumping them into the category of the “evil other.” We can’t even hear what they have to say because we’re too busy coming up with what we’re going to say to show them how wrong they are and make them listen to our point of view.
Here is an example of how this might play out in a relationship. Bill Shaul is going to help so that you can hear some dialogue throughout the sermon. Please note this disclaimer– these dialogues you are about to hear are just examples / scripts, and not necessarily the opinions of the speakers.
Susi: Hi Bill! I haven’t seen you since we last met for book club. How are you doing?
Bill: Great! I just got back from a Friends of HOLA meeting.
Susi: Friends of HOLA? What’s that?
Bill: It’s a group that advocates for immigrants. With all the awful things that are happening right now – the way this heartless administration is deporting people, separating families, treating children like animals – I felt like I really needed to get involved.
Susi: What? You’re involved with a group like that?! I thought you were a law-abiding citizen! I thought you cared about our safety, and the safety of this country! What in the world are you doing helping these people who are criminals – and finding ways to allow them to stay here? Are you out of your mind?
Bill: Oh my gosh – is that what you think? I never knew you were so cold and unfeeling. Do you not have an ounce of compassion in your body? I wonder how you would feel if the immigrant families were White? You yourself, just like every other American except for native people, came from immigrants, and if you don’t know that - you are just plain ignorant – I just can even have this conversation with you anymore.
Susi: You think I’m the ignorant one? Hah! You’ve the one who has no idea what you’re asking for in helping these illegals come in and stay here. It’s people like you who undermine the security of this country! If it weren’t for being in our book club together – I’d just as soon not even have to see you again!
I think that conversations similar to this one are happening all over – maybe not always openly in public or face to face, but so often on facebook or twitter, on tv and radio. We have soundbites, generalities, insults that sure don’t help us move into that way of peace that Paul envisions for the church and the world. What happens in these exchanges is that people dehumanize and demonize those who don’t agree with them. Brené Brown writes in her book Braving the Wilderness:
Dehumanizing often starts with creating an enemy image. As we take sides, lose trust, and get angrier and angrier, we not only solidify an idea of our enemy, but also start to lose our ability to listen, communicate, and practice even a modicum of empathy.
Once we see people on “the other side” of a conflict as morally inferior and even dangerous, the conflict starts being framed as good versus evil. [Michelle Maiese, Chair of the Philosophy department at Emmanuel College] . . . writes, “Once the parties have framed the conflict in this way, their positions become more rigid. In some cases, zero-sum thinking develops as parties come to believe that they must either secure their own victory or face defeat.1
Our faith on the other hand, our Christian faith, asks us not to de-humanize, but rather to honor the humanness of each person, to seek to find the face of God in them, to treat all those we meet as if we were encountering Jesus. I think we can do a lot better than that first dialogue – so we’re going to try again:
Susi: (calling Bill on the phone) Hi Bill- It’s Susi
Bill: Oh, Hi Susi
Susi: Bill, I hated how we left our conversation last time we met.
Bill: Yeah – so did I. Do you think we can have another go at it – maybe more civilly?
Susi: Yeah. So - tell me why you think that we should help these illegals criminals.
Bill: First of all, can we start by using a different term – like undocumented immigrants? The only law they have not complied with is having documentation they need to stay in this country. Many had visas that have since expired, and they have tried applying for extensions. Others were tricked into paying for fraudulent documents. Many are people who were brought here as children, and don’t even know the language of their birthplace.
Susi: Look – there’s a process for them being able to stay here legally. All I’m saying is that we can’t just let everyone who crosses our border come into this country to live. We have rules and laws for a reason. Laws are made to keep order in our country. . I can’t think of a good reason for breaking the law, and can’t condone anyone doing that.
Bill: Susi – Look, prosecutors around the country have always had discretion on who they prosecute aggressively. What is happening now is just cruel. Besides, what really drives me is my faith and my conviction that Christians are called to offer hospitality to strangers, to welcome foreigners. It’s a foundational part of our Judeo-Christian heritage. I know you’re a Christian too, and I just can’t understand how you reconcile turning people away with your so-called Christian beliefs. Jesus even said, “I was a stranger, and you welcomed me. . . . Whatever you do for the least of these, you do for me.” although I must say that given the integrity of the families I know, I would hardly consider them the "least of these"
Susi: Bill, sounds like you think all of us against illegal immigration are cold hearted racists. We’re not! I do welcome strangers into my home – as long as they’re here legally. The scripture doesn’t say “I was an illegal you welcomed me!” And really, you’re going to quote scripture at me?? I have a different verse that sheds light on this. Paul in his letter to the Romans clearly says – “Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, . . .The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted,” So until the law changes – deporting these criminals is a valid Christian response.
Bill: Ok. I see we’re never going to agree on this. How about if we just agree to disagree – and we just won’t talk about this issue anymore. Agreed?
Susi: Agreed! I’m glad we cleared that up. So, I guess I’ll see you next week at book club. Remember we’re leading it together, so maybe we want to meet up and talk plan it?
Bill: Sure – Can we meet Monday at 7 at Panera?
Susi: Yeah – see you then.
Well, that was a little better, right? At least we’re not ready to kill each other. We’ve come to a place where we can at least be in the same room together. And although it’s a huge improvement over our first encounter, it still remains merely a way of tolerating each other. We’ve decided to tolerate a difference of opinion for practical reasons, to be quiet about the issues that we disagree on so that everyone can be comfortable when we’re together for a gathering. It helps us avoid confrontations and conflicts, not to mention cursing and screaming, if we just build a wall around those controversial issues and not talk about them.
But this kind of tolerance and silence is not the same as the peace that Paul talks about in his letter. Mere tolerance does not lead to becoming that beloved community that Jesus implored his followers to form, that Paul envisioned for the church, and the world. Brené Brown says:
People often silence themselves, or “agree to disagree” without fully exploring the actual nature of the disagreement, for the sake of protecting a relationship and maintaining connection. But when we avoid certain conversations, and never fully learn how the other person feels about all of the issues, we sometimes end up making assumptions that not only perpetuate but deepen misunderstandings, and that can generate resentment. These results are sometimes worse for the relationship than just having the so-called “argument” would be. The key is to learn how to navigate conflicts or differences of opinion in a way that deepens mutual understanding, even if two people still disagree. Imagine that…. after a meaningful conversation, two people could actually have increased mutual understanding, greater mutual respect, and better connection, but still completely disagree. This is very different from avoiding a conversation and not learning more about the other party.2
So how do we move beyond mere tolerance or silence - to that connection that then can lead to love, to peace, to community? The most critical skill is listening. When we listen with our hearts, and with a genuine curiosity, and not just with the goal of figuring out the best way to debate and contradict the speaker, that’s when we move beyond tolerance. But that takes courage – it’s a risk to be vulnerable in front of the one we disagree with, it’ a risk to put our own personal stories out there, and it’s a risk to be open to even the possibility of having our opinions changed. Without taking these risks, however, transformation and true peace is impossible. But when we are willing to take these risks - real deepening of relationship can happen.
So here’s what that might sound like:
Bill: Hi Susi. Nice to see you.
Susi: Yeah. You too.
Bill: Listen, before we start planning book group - I’ve got to tell you, I’m finding it really hard to have to avoid topics of conversation around issues that are really important to me when I get together with you. I really value our friendship, and feel like this immigration issue has put a wall between us. Since I know you, and respect you, I have to believe that you have something valuable to contribute to this conversation. I really want to hear a little more about why you feel the way you do. I don’t understand your position, but I’d really like you to help me to understand.
Susi: Thanks for being willing to talk to me more about this. I’ve been feeling the same way. So, I don’t know if you know my background, but I’ve only been living up here in Ohio for a few years. After my husband and I got married, we moved to Arizona. He had a dream about opening a restaurant, and we thought we had found the perfect place and community in southern AZ. And so we settled there, had 2 kids, and he worked really hard. You have to understand that he is a law abiding citizen, and he has a real sense of fairness. We poured everything we had into making that work for us. The kids and I practically lived in that restaurant, and he hired great workers, and paid them more than minimum wage to be fair to them, so that they could make a decent living. But as you know, not everyone is that honest, that caring. And other restaurants in the area began to hire lots of illegals. These immigrants would cook and wait tables for a lot less money and many were being paid under the table. Despite that kind of competition, we were able to pretty much break even until the economy started going south in around 2000. People were looking for the cheapest places to eat, and we just couldn’t compete anymore. We lost everything – we went bankrupt, losing our house and the restaurant, and ended up having to move up here and live with my parents. Also – down there, we never lived in a particularly affluent part of the state. Our school district’s budget was strained almost to breaking, and a lot of the community’s money was going to support the education of kids who didn’t speak English. There just wasn’t enough money to go around – so other programs needed to be cut, teacher’s salaries were cut, class sizes got bigger. It was a mess. Since this immigration issue affected our lives so significantly, I can't help taking issue personally, and feeling strongly this way.
Bill: Susi – Thanks for sharing your story. I can understand how this issue is much bigger and more complicated than many of us know. I can see how your time in Arizona affected you personally and I wouldn't be surprised if I felt the same way you do if I had had those experiences.
Susi: Thank you for listening, Bill. But I am still struggling to understand your point of view. I am sincerely curious about what might have shaped your values around immigration.
Bill: Well, my story is really quite simple. Over the past 20 years Carolyn and I have gotten to know several families who are refugees and undocumented – some from Mexico and some from other countries. We have forged very close bonds with these families. It was one of these families who recently dramatically separated from their children during the ICE raid on Corso's nursery. This is a very hardworking, devout family, whose children get excellent grades in school. They pay taxes and have never broken any laws—except that they are undocumented. The way they have been treated by ICE is cruel and heart-wrenching. Regardless of our political affiliations I want America to show more compassion in situations like this.
Susi: I hear you. My heart breaks for the families that are being separated too. I have children of my own, and really do have compassion for the families. I just don’t know what the best thing do about it is. What we have in place now just isn’t working, but I also can’t advocate for open borders either – because we don’t have systems in place to support everyone who wants to come into this country and live here. But I am glad to have had this conversation – and to know it’s not a taboo subject between us. Thanks for being honest with me, and for sharing your story.
So – that’s one example of how two people – who still don’t end up agreeing – can really have a conversation, can go deeper than just tolerating each other, can start to see that there may be more than one way to look at an issue. With a conversation like this, the wall between them starts to come down, and they are able to build that bridge of Christ’s peace.
Brené Brown interviews Dr. Michelle Buck (clinical professor of leadership at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University) who says,
In all of my work, I choose to focus on “conflict transformation,” rather than the more traditional term “conflict resolution.” To me, the latter suggests going back to a previous state of affairs, and has a connotation that there may be a winner or a loser. … “conflict transformation” suggests that by creatively navigating the conversational landscape of differences and disagreements, we have the opportunity to create something new. At a minimum, we learn more about each other than before. Ideally, we may find new possibilities that had not even been considered before. Conflict transformation is about creating deeper understanding. . . . As a result, it enables greater connection, whether or not there is agreement.”3
Greater connection – that slow taking down of those seemingly intractable divisions that separate us. So I have to be honest with you and tell you - I am in no way an expert on this. Believe me – if you look up “conflict avoidant” in the dictionary, you would probably see my picture! When the conversations get heated, my pulse races, my breath quickens, and I start feeling sick to my stomach. I would rather steer clear of any controversial subject, or surround myself with people who think like I do than risk a confrontation. But this passage challenges me because I know, in my heart, that walling myself off from conflict does not help to build a beloved community, does not move us towards the “shalom” – the peace that Paul advocates.
There are groups forming all over the country that are trying to bring people who are on opposite sides together for these kind of hard, risky, personal conversations– some of them: public conversations project (https://www.civicus.org/documents/toolkits/PGX_D_Public%20Conversations.pdf) , better angels (https://www.better-angels.org/features/an-american-declaration), #100days100dinners (https://www.ihollaback.org/100days100dinners/). All these groups are working towards breaking down walls and reconnecting people to each other. We are hoping to start something similar here at Federated this fall. Keep your eyes on the bulletin and SPIRE – we’re in the very beginning planning stages. What better place to start breaking down the dividing wall and building bridges but in a church community - where our starting point is that we are all one body, that we are all beloved children of God, who put our faith in Christ, our peace. May we risk vulnerability, listening, and open-heartedness to break down our walls of division through Christ our peace, so that the world might say of us – Behold how they love one another. Amen.
1Brown Brené. Braving the Wilderness: the Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone. Thorndike Press, a Part of Gale, a Cengage Company, 2018, P. 72.
2Ibid. pp 79-80
3Ibid. p 82